1
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:10,690
I've been dying to do that ever since I
got out of the doctors.

2
00:00:10,691 --> 00:00:13,299
You know it's like when you've got an
itchy bum. There's always someone

3
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:14,560
behind you, isn't there?

4
00:00:14,940 --> 00:00:18,070
Did the doctor say exactly what was
causing your irritation?

5
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:20,000
What do you mean? Apart from you, Dore.

6
00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:22,770
No, he said it's some allergy I've
picked up.

7
00:00:22,771 --> 00:00:26,239
Hey, Trace, have you changed your
washing pad? No. Have you changed your

8
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,290
underwear?

9
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,490
Yes.

10
00:00:29,491 --> 00:00:31,179
There's a letter there from your
husband.

11
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:34,220
Oh, unusual for him to put crayon to
paper.

12
00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:36,139
Perhaps you're a bit run down, Sharon.

13
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:39,139
You know what I've always found to be a
wonderful tonic? I'm not walking past

14
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,840
work with my blouse open, darling.

15
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,010
Cod liver oil.

16
00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:46,770
Oh, our cousin's great -grandad swore by
fish, never anything else.

17
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,680
Trace, the man thought he was a
flamingo.

18
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,100
Yeah, he was mad, but he was fit.

19
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,830
There's not many 95 -year -olds who
spend all day standing on one leg.

20
00:00:56,010 --> 00:01:00,890
I don't want cod liver oil. I ain't run
down. I've got an allergy.

21
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:05,549
The anti -histamines the doctor gave me
will soon get rid of it. I tell you, a

22
00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:06,449
bit of bloody head.

23
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:07,570
I can't believe it.

24
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:09,850
£3 .40 for a prescription?

25
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,390
Disgusting. I worked it out.

26
00:01:12,650 --> 00:01:17,429
I clear £71 .35 a week from that poxy
cleaning job. So that prescription has

27
00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:19,270
cost me 5 % of my wages.

28
00:01:19,271 --> 00:01:23,079
I know how you feel, Sharon. My
allowance from Marcus goes nowhere these

29
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:26,990
You know, I have had to reduce my tennis
lessons from four to three a fortnight.

30
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,530
Ain't there a support group you can
join, girl?

31
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,720
Blimey! He's written two pages.

32
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:36,399
Someone must have taught him the second
half of the alphabet.

33
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,439
What you have to understand, Sharon, is
that when Marcus and I voted

34
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,339
Conservative, we did so on the strict
understanding that any recession would

35
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:44,840
start and end north of Watford.

36
00:01:44,841 --> 00:01:48,549
We're... Just a little misery in the
inner London boroughs to give the

37
00:01:48,550 --> 00:01:50,769
impression that the whole country was
suffering equally.

38
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,490
You're such a selfish mare.

39
00:01:52,890 --> 00:01:55,120
I look after number one. Life isn't a
charity.

40
00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:56,880
Oh, no.

41
00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:58,990
What? Something happened to Chris?

42
00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:00,890
No. It's bad news.

43
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:03,430
His uncle Costas has died.

44
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:04,840
Oh.

45
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,590
What do you want for dinner?

46
00:02:06,591 --> 00:02:13,069
Don't overdo the grief, will you,
Tracey? I didn't know him. Well, you're

47
00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:15,929
upset, are you, Sharon? I thought you
disliked all Chris's family.

48
00:02:15,930 --> 00:02:17,670
No, not Costas. He was different.

49
00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:19,090
He treated me all right.

50
00:02:19,091 --> 00:02:22,889
When they all come up to me at the
wedding to pin the money on me, he was

51
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:24,390
only one that used a safety pin.

52
00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:31,429
The jammy little... Costas has only left
Chris's drinking club. Well, that's

53
00:02:31,430 --> 00:02:33,610
lucky. It's better than bleeding lucky.

54
00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:37,840
It's what the local Greek football team
uses a calf and a club ass.

55
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,560
It's what's known as a nice little
earner.

56
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,510
Blimey, he wants me to run it for him.

57
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:46,449
Reckons it'll help and bring us back
together.

58
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:47,500
That's great, shall.

59
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:51,809
If you think I'm going to give that
little weasel another chance to walk all

60
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:55,209
over me... I think you should think
about it before you say no. There's a

61
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:58,089
money to be made in catering. I went to
school with a girl called Hester Gordon.

62
00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:02,989
She now makes 50k a year selling filled
rolls and sandwiches around shops and

63
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:06,509
offices. Well, at least talk to him
about it. It could be he finally wants

64
00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:08,130
give something to your marriage.

65
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,270
Well, excuse me if I don't get too
excited.

66
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:13,259
The only other thing he ever gave to our
marriage took me six months and, of

67
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,940
course, a penicillin to get rid of.

68
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:16,960
And it weren't no allergy.

69
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:23,530
All right, babe?

70
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,510
Got a light?

71
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,200
What do you look like?

72
00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:37,000
I'm a man of property now, aren't I?

73
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:38,840
I got this off Ronnie the Piles.

74
00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:42,170
He'd swap his granny for a roll of soft
toilet paper.

75
00:03:42,171 --> 00:03:46,319
I can see you're really cut up about
Costas, your mercenary little git.

76
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,940
I was quite upset, actually.

77
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,250
But I just can't help being chuffed
about the cash.

78
00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:54,370
For the first time in my life, I feel
like I'm out in front.

79
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:55,870
Like I'm somebody.

80
00:03:55,871 --> 00:03:59,499
It's going to make a big difference to
the way I'm treated.

81
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:03,019
Do you reckon the other cons will ask
now before they spit in your teeth?

82
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,520
I'm talking about when I get out,
amongst me own.

83
00:04:06,239 --> 00:04:08,260
Mind you, that's only fair.

84
00:04:08,261 --> 00:04:11,879
Back in Cyprus, we was the most
important family in our village.

85
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,320
Only because you owned a goat.

86
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,980
Stop being such a pain shell.

87
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:19,729
Look, this cap is going to be good news
for the both of us.

88
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,760
I haven't said I work there yet.

89
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,110
Don't be a melon, it's a good little
job.

90
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,730
I've got a good little job. Get out of
it, you never had a good little job.

91
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:31,110
You've done every poxy job there is
except work down a sewer.

92
00:04:31,111 --> 00:04:34,859
You carry on like that and I'll stuff
that cigar right where Ronnie's got his

93
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:35,910
piles.

94
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,620
So what is this good little job then,
eh?

95
00:04:39,490 --> 00:04:41,670
Cleaning. Oh, struggle, John.

96
00:04:42,430 --> 00:04:45,380
It's a show -up having a wife who scrubs
floors for a living.

97
00:04:45,430 --> 00:04:48,440
Just like it's a show -up for you having
a husband in the nick.

98
00:04:48,441 --> 00:04:51,909
And don't tell me you don't lie and tell
some people I'm working in Saudi.

99
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:53,770
No, not at all. I tell them the truth.

100
00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:57,120
I do lie about what you're in here for,
though.

101
00:04:57,950 --> 00:05:00,840
I tell them you was nicked for sleeping
with farm animals.

102
00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:06,040
You are joking.

103
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,310
Never know till you get out, will you?

104
00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:13,320
But if you suddenly find you've got the
nickname Old MacDonald, you know why.

105
00:05:14,470 --> 00:05:15,520
Oh.

106
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:16,620
What are you doing?

107
00:05:16,621 --> 00:05:18,669
Scratching me back. I've got an allergy.

108
00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:19,830
Allergy? Yes, allergy.

109
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:23,100
It means you're allergic to something,
like you and work.

110
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,080
Just give me eight years to get rid of
it. Yeah.

111
00:05:26,081 --> 00:05:29,309
It's probably something you're caught
scrubbing bogs or whatever it is you

112
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,360
clean.

113
00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:33,640
Look, why don't you give the job up and
go and work down the cave?

114
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:36,750
Because I know you and I don't trust
you.

115
00:05:36,751 --> 00:05:39,189
You'll have me slaving in there for
peanuts.

116
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:40,109
Of course I won't.

117
00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:41,789
Why do you want me working there then?

118
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:44,680
Because the place can be a little
goldmine. You know it can.

119
00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:47,040
But?

120
00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:51,310
Look, Costas let the place go a little,
right? And the profits went down.

121
00:05:51,311 --> 00:05:54,949
Then the locals started complaining
about drunks coming out in the small

122
00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:57,989
hollering and shouting. And the old bill
threatened to take away the booze

123
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,850
license. So the family have had enough.

124
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:01,210
They just want to sell it.

125
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:05,639
Oh, and you want Muggins to go in to
build the business up and keep the

126
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,239
in line.

127
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,290
Yeah.

128
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,380
But I meant what I said in my letter.

129
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:12,200
About, you know, it being a new start
for us.

130
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,660
Shannon, look.

131
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,780
Having a business will bind us together.

132
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,400
I don't want to be bound up with you.

133
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:24,659
Well, it won't be like before. I'll be
different when I get out.

134
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,520
Wiser. We can really make a go at this,
Kev.

135
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,530
Look.

136
00:06:29,531 --> 00:06:32,639
We can have some of the good life that
Tracy and Darren have had all these

137
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,260
years. Everything she's got, I'll get
you better.

138
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,140
Look, if Big Ed buys her an elephant,
I'll get you the box to put it in.

139
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,580
I can't trust you.

140
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:47,770
You give me nothing but promises and
dreams. I've heard them all before,

141
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,600
Look, the difference is I'm dreaming for
the two of us this time.

142
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,520
Don't make me puke.

143
00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,560
I'm going to get you to help me.

144
00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:01,800
Yeah, for business.

145
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:05,740
Oh, you will if you're serious about us
two being together.

146
00:07:05,741 --> 00:07:07,709
All right.

147
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:08,760
Fair enough.

148
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:12,270
I want my name on a proper legal
contract.

149
00:07:12,271 --> 00:07:16,329
Not something written in invisible ink
on the back of an envelope by your

150
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:18,849
solicitors. Shifty, shifty and damn
right crooked.

151
00:07:18,850 --> 00:07:19,900
OK.

152
00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:22,850
Oh, me legs started and all the mail.

153
00:07:22,851 --> 00:07:25,809
Scratch it with your foot, will you?
What about?

154
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:26,860
On me calf.

155
00:07:26,861 --> 00:07:28,109
On there?

156
00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:28,669
Uh -huh.

157
00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:30,090
Oh. Oh, that's nice.

158
00:07:30,290 --> 00:07:31,340
Yeah, it's lovely.

159
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,650
You can stop now. Do I have to? Yes, you
do.

160
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:38,020
Look, this arrangement is strictly
business.

161
00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:43,420
Well,

162
00:07:50,210 --> 00:07:52,920
it's hardly a taverna nestling amongst
olive groves.

163
00:07:53,730 --> 00:07:56,200
You know, it's little to Chris's Greek
heritage.

164
00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:58,940
Chris knows so much about his Greek
heritage.

165
00:07:58,941 --> 00:08:02,089
As far as he's concerned, the wooden
horse is anything he backs that doesn't

166
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,140
wean.

167
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,510
Are you sure they're buried, Costas?

168
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:08,540
It's a bit of an earring, couldn't it?
Cheers.

169
00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:12,080
Does it have a ladies' room, or do I
look for a bucket marked hers?

170
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,660
There.

171
00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:18,830
In case there ain't no paper.

172
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,190
That won't be necessary. Thank you,
Sharon.

173
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,350
I really want this place to work, you
know, Trace.

174
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,900
This is my big chance.

175
00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:36,700
Up to now, I've had nothing, have I?

176
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,730
You could put everything I own into two
suitcases.

177
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:41,980
That's if I own two suitcases.

178
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,560
I can do it, can't I, Trace?

179
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,610
Of course you can.

180
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,509
It's just that I've never run a business
before.

181
00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:54,629
Well, Daryl used to say, to be a
successful businessman, you needed to be

182
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:57,910
-minded, determined, and never forget
you're in charge.

183
00:08:57,911 --> 00:09:00,229
You're the chief now, not one of the
Indians.

184
00:09:00,230 --> 00:09:02,580
You can do anything when you put your
mind to it.

185
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:06,570
Remember when I ate ten Mars bars in 15
minutes?

186
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,600
They said that couldn't be done, didn't
they? Yeah.

187
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:11,820
There you go.

188
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,020
The chief.

189
00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:16,430
Yeah, I like the sound of that.

190
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,330
You'll be one of me Indians, won't you,
Trace? Aye.

191
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,120
Help me out in the cafe.

192
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:23,990
Yeah, of course.

193
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:25,670
Thanks, Trace.

194
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:31,280
Oh, I'm sorry. Have I interrupted a
touching family moment?

195
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,750
No. Trace has agreed to help me out in
the cafe.

196
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,790
Well?

197
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:37,380
Aren't you going to ask me?

198
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,310
You?

199
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,860
Your idea of work is licking your own
stamp.

200
00:09:42,861 --> 00:09:46,799
I can roll up my sleeves with the best
of them when I need money, and I

201
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,300
desperately need my own money.

202
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:52,210
The recession is starting to bite.
Marcus is checking on everything I buy.

203
00:09:52,211 --> 00:09:54,979
He's now threatened to cut off my
allowance.

204
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:58,170
Now, if I have to cancel my tennis
lessons with Raoul, I will die.

205
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:03,540
So, I thought we could take a leaf out
of Hester Gordon's book.

206
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:09,259
You supply the sandwiches, I'll sell
them round the local offices, and we'll

207
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,310
split the profits.

208
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:14,960
Anything Hester can do, Dorian can do
better, as my gym master used to say.

209
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:17,930
Well, it could be fun. What do you
think?

210
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,880
I reckon it'll go down a storm door.

211
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:23,299
Tracey makes a great sandwich, don't
you?

212
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:26,139
Oh, how comes I'm lumbered? We're making
the sandwiches.

213
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:27,190
We'll be busy in here.

214
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,499
You said you'd help.

215
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:29,660
Oh, go on, Tracey.

216
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:31,470
Oh, all right.

217
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,000
We're going to be rolling in it. I can
feel it.

218
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,449
Let's have a drink to celebrate, eh?
Right.

219
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:38,789
I shall find some clean glasses.

220
00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:41,080
All right, just the one because I'm dry,
then.

221
00:10:44,430 --> 00:10:45,690
I'll tell you what, girls.

222
00:10:45,691 --> 00:10:49,829
Having my name on those deeds means I'll
finally be able to keep rat -faced in

223
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:50,970
order when he comes out.

224
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:55,349
If he plays away from home just once,
I'll divorce him and take him for

225
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:56,349
everything.

226
00:10:56,350 --> 00:10:58,310
I'll have him right there.

227
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:01,730
What a disgusting thought.

228
00:11:01,731 --> 00:11:05,529
I thought that you'd like it if he came
out and behaved himself.

229
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:07,709
I thought we said you was happiest when
you was raring.

230
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:08,810
Rubbish. It's true.

231
00:11:09,310 --> 00:11:12,200
All right, what's the first thing you
look for in a bloke?

232
00:11:12,201 --> 00:11:15,549
Depends on whether he's walking towards
me or away from me. You've never had a

233
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,189
bloke that's nice and dependable? You
mean boring?

234
00:11:18,190 --> 00:11:20,600
My Daryl's nice and dependable. He's not
boring.

235
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,100
He is not?

236
00:11:23,101 --> 00:11:27,429
Nah, of course he ain't, Trace. Come on,
let's have another drink. I can't. I

237
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:28,469
told you I'm driving.

238
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,889
I don't think you should drink any more
on top of them pills.

239
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:31,940
It's all right.

240
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:34,380
This Greek stuff ain't proper brandy, is
it?

241
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,220
To me, a Marquess.

242
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,090
Trace!

243
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,770
Trace, I've gone blind! I can't see
nothing!

244
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,440
Open your eyes.

245
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:57,960
Oh, I feel terrible.

246
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,700
I only had two drinks.

247
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:03,990
The antihistamines. I've told you not to
drink on top of them.

248
00:12:05,109 --> 00:12:06,570
Oh, I think she's going to cry.

249
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:09,380
No, she only does that when she's been
on the gin.

250
00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:11,070
Angry frenzy.

251
00:12:11,390 --> 00:12:13,250
Oh, come on, let's get her into the car.

252
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:20,540
Look,

253
00:12:20,541 --> 00:12:23,849
you'll have to get in the back of her
door. Oh, you're joking. She's liable to

254
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:27,340
throw up any minute. No, she only does
that when she's been on the vodka.

255
00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:28,530
Angry frenzy.

256
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:31,680
Look, you drive, I'll get in the back
with us.

257
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,300
come on help me i'm sorry what do you
mean you're sorry

258
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:03,970
we need.

259
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,580
No problem, officer. She's just had one
too many.

260
00:13:06,581 --> 00:13:08,779
You've just come out of that cat, have
you?

261
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:09,830
No, no.

262
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:14,139
Well, it wouldn't be the first time
someone's come out of there paralytic.

263
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:16,119
Right, I think you'd better get her in
the car.

264
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,619
That's the problem. She says it's full
of lobsters.

265
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,670
Big horrible one.

266
00:13:20,940 --> 00:13:23,530
Best ways to humour them when they're in
that state.

267
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,050
This is 141.

268
00:13:47,051 --> 00:13:51,279
Sarge, get us a van down here. I've got
a drunken disorderly to be picked up.

269
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,350
Oh, and could you get somebody to bring
along a spare helmet?

270
00:13:57,391 --> 00:13:58,899
You're supposed

271
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:08,239
to

272
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,070
be flogging sandwiches, not putting
yourself on offer.

273
00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:15,250
Selling is 90 % presentation.

274
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,760
And that's about 90 % of your frockies
you're presenting me.

275
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,070
Just a little point -of -sale
enticement.

276
00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:25,530
Sharon not back from court yet?

277
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:29,609
No. I was looking at this crab and lemon
grass you've bought. It's going to look

278
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:30,950
a bit insipid in a sandwich.

279
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,910
Shall I bung some daddy sauce on it?

280
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:37,529
No. I have very carefully selected my
fillings to ensure that I capture the

281
00:14:37,530 --> 00:14:38,850
right calibre of customer.

282
00:14:39,050 --> 00:14:41,880
Cheese and chutney brigade, I'll leave
to British Rail.

283
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:46,899
Well, come on in. Let's get down the
cab. It's the grand opening.

284
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:48,719
Hang about. How did you get on the call?

285
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,650
30 quid fine and a bill for a new
helmet.

286
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,060
It's nothing to a woman of means.

287
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,479
I learned that within ten minutes of
opening.

288
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,030
You're supposed to be full of remorse.
Mum will be spinning in her grave.

289
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:04,100
Joyce, I got done for drunk and
disorderly, not soliciting.

290
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,130
It's like Dorian's going for that
particular child.

291
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:10,110
Come on.

292
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:54,500
Trying to get the meat to stick on this
kebab machine.

293
00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:56,570
You dozy article.

294
00:15:57,570 --> 00:16:00,220
They come already on the skewers from
the suppliers.

295
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,150
Well, I didn't know.

296
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,370
Do you have any customers?

297
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:08,370
Nearly. Bloke looked in.

298
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:10,590
And? He looked out again.

299
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:15,410
Well, I found out where Costas' football
team was affected to.

300
00:16:15,411 --> 00:16:19,609
They're in the middle of a major booze
-up at Tony T -Bone's kebab and grill

301
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,780
room. You sure it's Costas' team?

302
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,230
Yeah, I reckon I have the minibus
outside.

303
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,970
It's got Christia Doppelhoff. This is a
tosspot scratched on the back door.

304
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:32,550
He came on as a sub for them during a
cup game. Scored three home goals.

305
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:36,719
Well, Dorian must be doing better than
us. She's been gone for hours.

306
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,130
Yeah, knowing her, she's on the nest
somewhere.

307
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:42,600
So, how much exactly have we made today,
then?

308
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:44,770
£1 .20.

309
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,080
We must have made more than that.

310
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,900
He's had at least three coffees.

311
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,819
We'll let him have the last one for
nothing.

312
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,620
I felt sorry for him. He was cold.

313
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,080
Good. Turn the eating off. Keep him
cold.

314
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,430
The colder he is, the more coffees he'll
drink.

315
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,240
Look, this is business, Trace. You've
got to remember that.

316
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,250
Especially when you're serving the
customers.

317
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,119
Try to be a bit more welcoming.

318
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:09,999
What are you talking about?

319
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,118
Apart from Rip Van Winkle in the corner
there, there's been no customers to

320
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,640
welcome. There's the fat bloke. He
wanted change for the meter.

321
00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:20,209
Friendlier?

322
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,910
Look, I'll show you. You be him and I'll
be you.

323
00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:24,880
What? You be the customer.

324
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,160
Oh, here we go.

325
00:17:34,460 --> 00:17:37,350
Excuse me, love. We've got change of a
tenner for the meter.

326
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:38,750
Certainly, sir.

327
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,140
See the game at the weekend?

328
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:44,500
I can't talk about sport.

329
00:17:44,820 --> 00:17:48,310
I don't know the difference between a
tennis bat and a cricket racket.

330
00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:50,330
Just any small talk.

331
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,800
There you are, sir.

332
00:17:52,811 --> 00:17:55,329
Anything else you fancy?

333
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:56,510
I am not doing that.

334
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,170
I look like a tart.

335
00:17:59,510 --> 00:18:00,560
Of course you won't.

336
00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:02,940
Talk of the devil.

337
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:08,140
How's business?

338
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:09,690
It's a sleep in the corner.

339
00:18:09,691 --> 00:18:13,209
Well, you've obviously been more
successful.

340
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,749
You only usually smile like that when
you've been with a bloke.

341
00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:16,800
Oh.

342
00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:24,980
sandwiches before you fell down on the
job?

343
00:18:25,530 --> 00:18:26,580
One.

344
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,630
Well, Stephen was my first customer.

345
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:33,089
He's senior partner in the firm of
solicitors down the road. You see, he

346
00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:34,470
for a pawpaw and salami bath.

347
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:36,270
I said, would he prefer a roll?

348
00:18:36,271 --> 00:18:41,949
Well, one thing led to another and we
ended up in the flat he keeps above his

349
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:43,450
offices for when he works late.

350
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:47,360
I think he's going to be working late
for quite a few nights in the near

351
00:18:47,361 --> 00:18:51,589
We can bung those sandwiches in the
freezer. Take them out again tomorrow.

352
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:52,640
No, I don't think so.

353
00:18:53,070 --> 00:18:56,230
Lugging a heavy basket of comestibles
isn't really me.

354
00:18:56,231 --> 00:19:00,229
If Hester Gordon does this for 52 weeks
of the year, she must have developed

355
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:01,610
arms like Fatima Whitbread.

356
00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:05,800
Which is no great misfortune. She
already has her moustache.

357
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:08,190
What about Raoul?

358
00:19:08,870 --> 00:19:12,690
Tracy, you know my rule. I'm only ever
unsafe with one man at a time.

359
00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:17,210
You'll have to take him out then, Trace.
Why? Why can't you do it?

360
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:21,390
Because I've got to concentrate on
getting the football team back in here.

361
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:27,459
I'll have karaoke nights, yards of ouzo
contests, happy hours, happy fortnights

362
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:28,279
if I have to.

363
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,780
But by the end of the week, they'll be
back.

364
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,250
Pack it then, prawn cocktail crisps,
Trice.

365
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,160
Take it easy, Andy.

366
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,750
Don't want you straining anything. We've
got a big game on Sunday.

367
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,090
Cheers.

368
00:20:00,091 --> 00:20:01,459
Keep the change.

369
00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:02,459
Sir.

370
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:03,510
What, Sharon?

371
00:20:03,511 --> 00:20:04,959
How's that husband of yours?

372
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:05,959
Same as ever.

373
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,010
Still a prat, then.

374
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,080
I'll keep meaning to go and see him.

375
00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:12,399
There's always that more interesting to
do, isn't there?

376
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,840
Like just scaling the kettle.

377
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,100
Yeah, that's about it.

378
00:20:16,140 --> 00:20:19,090
Still. Tell old MacDonald I said hello
next time you see him.

379
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:26,990
It's great to have the football team
back, isn't it, Trace?

380
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:30,470
It's a quarter to three in the morning.
When are we going to close?

381
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:31,750
Another ten minutes.

382
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:35,570
You keep saying that. You kept saying
that last night when he was gone for,

383
00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:36,859
before we turned him out.

384
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,479
It couldn't be good and proper, didn't
you?

385
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,769
You never told me helping you out was
going to be this much hard work.

386
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:45,809
I've got to stay open late to earn the
extra money to buy them the track suits

387
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:46,860
promised them.

388
00:20:46,861 --> 00:20:49,889
I had to offer them a few sweeteners or
they'd want to come back.

389
00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:50,689
A few?

390
00:20:50,690 --> 00:20:52,310
What else have you offered them?

391
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:53,840
Nothing much.

392
00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:57,100
Another packet of prawn cocktail,
please, Trace.

393
00:21:02,230 --> 00:21:03,280
Cheers.

394
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:08,090
Is prawn cocktail crisps and half
popular?

395
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:09,680
Yes.

396
00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,580
It wouldn't hurt you to give me a hand,
lady, do I?

397
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,460
I can't. I'm busy.

398
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:23,119
I'm front of house. I've got to meet and
greet the customers while I do all the

399
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,170
work.

400
00:21:24,171 --> 00:21:28,339
First you try and turn me into a tart,
then you try and turn me into a skivvy.

401
00:21:28,340 --> 00:21:30,200
Well, I've had enough. You're using me.

402
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:31,920
I wouldn't do that, Trace.

403
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,100
I know you've been working hard.

404
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:36,850
I was going to suggest you have tomorrow
off.

405
00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,620
Right, I will.

406
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,010
Spend the day in bed.

407
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,440
I'll keep you company.

408
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:43,560
I'm fed up, not hard up.

409
00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:46,700
Well, I'm off. Here, Cheryl.

410
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,160
I brought the kit over.

411
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:51,090
We need it the day after tomorrow, OK?
No problem.

412
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,370
Keep the noise down when you get
outside, will you? No worries.

413
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,450
What is this?

414
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,030
Another sweetener. I said I'd wash an
eye on their kit for them.

415
00:22:00,031 --> 00:22:02,319
Well, how are you going to do that for
the day after tomorrow?

416
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,820
You're going to be busy in here.

417
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:05,490
Yeah.

418
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,290
Ew, you've got tomorrow off, haven't
you?

419
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:10,920
I'm a serious cat.

420
00:22:11,610 --> 00:22:15,160
Oh, I forgot to say, give those jock
straps good scrubbing, would you?

421
00:22:22,790 --> 00:22:25,740
Where's Trace? I wanted another packet
of prawn cocktail.

422
00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:29,889
She's out the back. I'll get them for
you. No, no, it's all right. I think

423
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:30,940
leave it.

424
00:22:35,990 --> 00:22:37,070
You ain't going home?

425
00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:38,360
Watch me.

426
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:40,750
Trace? You can do your own washing up.

427
00:22:40,751 --> 00:22:44,849
You walk out of here now and you kiss
your job goodbye.

428
00:22:44,850 --> 00:22:47,980
Look, Trace, I can't cope with serving
this lot on my own. Tough.

429
00:22:48,270 --> 00:22:49,320
Get out of my way.

430
00:22:50,110 --> 00:22:51,160
No.

431
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:52,320
I mean it.

432
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,290
What are you going to do about it?

433
00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:56,450
I'm going to give you a Chinese burn.

434
00:22:56,650 --> 00:22:58,150
You know how much you hate them.

435
00:22:59,190 --> 00:23:02,020
You can't push me around like when we
were kids, you know.

436
00:23:07,231 --> 00:23:12,339
Shall we? Any chance of some more
drinks? Yeah, hang on.

437
00:23:12,340 --> 00:23:13,390
Hi.

438
00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:25,640
You really are a selfish cow.

439
00:23:25,641 --> 00:23:27,319
Oh, yes.

440
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,820
You disturbed the neighbours.

441
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,740
How am I selfish for leaving me in the
lurch?

442
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:37,539
Whatever happened to family loyalty, eh?
It disappeared about midnight when I

443
00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:38,740
had to unblock the gents.

444
00:23:39,130 --> 00:23:43,270
I mean, I don't mind mucking in, but I
really do draw the line at mucking out.

445
00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:45,590
That's always been your trouble.

446
00:23:46,090 --> 00:23:47,650
Frightened of a bit of hard work.

447
00:23:48,550 --> 00:23:49,600
A bit?

448
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:56,129
I have been slaving in there since eight
o 'clock this morning. That makes... a

449
00:23:56,130 --> 00:23:57,210
bloody long stretch!

450
00:24:01,450 --> 00:24:03,690
Now, I am going home.

451
00:24:04,890 --> 00:24:06,390
I know what all this is about.

452
00:24:07,150 --> 00:24:08,200
You're jealous.

453
00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:11,430
Of what?

454
00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:12,700
Of me having the calf.

455
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,979
You've had so many years of being the
one that's had everything, you can't

456
00:24:17,980 --> 00:24:19,780
to think of me doing well for a change.

457
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:22,020
How can you say that?

458
00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:24,990
You made me say it.

459
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,050
Hey, Sharon, are you going to get us
these drinks or what?

460
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,170
Shh, get back inside, will you? I'll be
back in a minute.

461
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,580
Well, at least send Trace back in for
some more prawn cocktail crisps.

462
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,920
What are they talking about?

463
00:24:40,380 --> 00:24:41,430
I know.

464
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,580
Get back inside, will you? Get me shut
down.

465
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,200
Oh, look at that.

466
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:51,960
You did that on purpose.

467
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:53,610
Did what?

468
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,320
Now what are you talking about?

469
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:57,620
Please, Trace.

470
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,940
Now look what you've done.

471
00:25:00,180 --> 00:25:01,800
I can't.

472
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,870
I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I
can't.

473
00:25:03,940 --> 00:25:04,990
I can't.

474
00:25:10,380 --> 00:25:11,540
You be quiet down there.

475
00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:13,440
It was an accident.

476
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,200
Hurry up, Trace.

477
00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:17,840
Mind your own business, you nosy git.

478
00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:19,700
Shut up, big man.

479
00:25:20,620 --> 00:25:22,360
Right, I'm going to call the police.

480
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,120
I wasn't talking to you.

481
00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:27,080
Yeah, that'll teach you, you silly old
sod.

482
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:32,710
Oh.

483
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:36,940
No, I do understand.

484
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:40,010
Yes, OK.

485
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:41,640
What's she doing on my phone?

486
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,280
Why aren't you at the cafe?

487
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:44,760
I've had the old bill round.

488
00:25:44,761 --> 00:25:48,239
Because of last night's row, they're
definitely going to oppose my drinks

489
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,040
licence when it comes up for renewal.

490
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,020
So she's on the phone to Steve and the
solicitor she solicited to sort them

491
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,260
You cheeky boy.

492
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,180
Stick to the point, Dorian.

493
00:25:58,181 --> 00:26:01,999
Well, without a drinks licence, that
football team will be straight back down

494
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,460
Tony T -bones, new tracksuits or not.

495
00:26:04,660 --> 00:26:05,710
No worries.

496
00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:07,640
Steve will get on top of things.

497
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,540
He's good at that, apparently.

498
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:12,750
See that?

499
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:14,560
Yesterday's takings.

500
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,100
Sleep with it, did you?

501
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:17,500
Right under my pillar.

502
00:26:17,501 --> 00:26:21,019
I bet you're sorry you walked out on me
now, aren't you, Trace?

503
00:26:21,020 --> 00:26:22,940
Never. You took advantage of me.

504
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:27,080
Be single -minded, determined, and
remember who's in charge.

505
00:26:27,081 --> 00:26:30,979
Your Daryl's advice, Trace. Yeah, well,
it's gone to your head. It's making you

506
00:26:30,980 --> 00:26:32,030
just like Dorian.

507
00:26:32,031 --> 00:26:34,909
Selfish. And everything's money, money,
money.

508
00:26:34,910 --> 00:26:37,310
Look after number one. Life ain't a
charity.

509
00:26:37,311 --> 00:26:42,049
You're even beginning to sound like her.
I preferred it when you were the

510
00:26:42,050 --> 00:26:44,090
cleaner. No, you're wrong, Trace.

511
00:26:44,590 --> 00:26:46,350
This calf's been the making of me.

512
00:26:46,351 --> 00:26:50,369
Have you noticed how I stopped
scratching as soon as I took it over?

513
00:26:50,370 --> 00:26:52,600
I reckon I was allergic to being an
employee.

514
00:26:53,130 --> 00:26:54,210
Well, what did he say?

515
00:26:54,330 --> 00:26:57,330
Well, there's good news, bad news and
good news.

516
00:26:57,870 --> 00:27:01,569
Two to one, good odds. The first piece
of good news is there could be a way to

517
00:27:01,570 --> 00:27:02,620
retain your licence.

518
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,419
You paint yourself to be a picture of
sobriety in front of the magistrate.

519
00:27:07,420 --> 00:27:12,139
out that the majority of these
disturbances happened before you took

520
00:27:12,140 --> 00:27:16,159
promise that as the tough new broom, you
will put a stop to all future rowdy

521
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,210
behaviour.

522
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,530
That's it?

523
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:24,199
Brilliant. I'll make Mother Teresa look
like Edna, the inebriate woman. Well, it

524
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:28,699
was at this point that I pointed out to
Stephen you had just been convicted of

525
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:32,180
being drunk and disorderly outside the
cafe in question.

526
00:27:32,181 --> 00:27:35,059
Did he think that would have a bearing?

527
00:27:35,060 --> 00:27:36,420
Well, that was the bad news.

528
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,520
He said to forget it.

529
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,020
What's the other good news?

530
00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:45,580
He needs a cleaner.

531
00:27:45,630 --> 00:27:50,180
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